dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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