Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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