He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
