I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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