Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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