Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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