I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy