He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.