Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????