benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?