I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course