Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.