I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.