I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lol hangovers are for mortals.