I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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