The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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