Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
