Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Randomize
