She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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