are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
