I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
