Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
