he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
