Plan B is the new Plan A
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize