Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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