What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
