i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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