Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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