My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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