It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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