Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
