She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
