i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
