So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
