you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
