I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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