i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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