Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
