Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
