it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize