Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize