what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
not ubering you a puppy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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