Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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