It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
