If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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