Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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