Kareoke will never be a sober sport
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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