I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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