Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
