are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize