Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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