my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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