It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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