i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sext me about skeletons
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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