Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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