i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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