Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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