i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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