Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
