I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My feet surprised me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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