no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
