so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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