We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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