I think I died a long time ago.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So vagazzling was a success
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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