sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
