So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
