dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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